Profile of a Predator

There can be no keener revelation of a society's soul than the way it treats its children. ~ Nelson Mandela

The man to the right is Mr. Arch Smith, Headmaster and VP of the Board of Trustees of Trinity-Pawling School. He looks like a trustworthy, elderly gentleman. Someone you could entrust with the safety of your child. But you'd be wrong.

What the picture doesn't tell you is that this man is a pedophile's best friend, complicit in keeping many victims silent. I can say this because I and other victims of child sexual abuse by faculty have come forward to confront the school about pedophile faculty. In fact, my abuser a close friend, neighbor, and colleague of Mr. Smith. Yet despite all the victims who have come forward, Mr. Smith has yet to press any charges against his pedophile friend or investigate the full scope and extent of the abuse. As of date of this post on Jan 5, 2010, the school refuses to apologize to any of the victims.
prev next

Headmaster Smith Visits --SF

On April 26 2009, I met with Headmaster Smith at the home of Prof. Lawrence Lessig of Stanford University. Prof. Lessig, himself a survivor, kindly offered me his support by hosting the meeting. He spoke first and explained to the headmaster the reason I had asked his help.

The headmaster replied by suggesting that the abuse by faculty was consensual. Then, as a man scrambling to reverse himself, he protested that he didn't know--a point he repeated numerous times. I looked at him squarely, having good reason to believe that was a lie. Reversing himself again, he said that yes a student had approached him about it. Just one? I had reason to believe that too was untrue.

My gut reaction at all this was to leave before I said or did something I would regret. But I reminded myself that I was no longer a small choir boy and the headmaster, now an old man, no longer had any power over me. Besides, I was there not just for myself but other survivors from the school. Still, I was saddened that this man had in his care, so many vulnerable kids.

After further discussion, the headmaster leaned across the table and handed me an envelope, the contents unspoken. I quickly handed it back, telling him that it would resolve nothing, nor undo the damage done. What I did ask for was a letter, a public apology from the school to ALL survivors. And one that invited those still silent to come forward.

By the end of the meeting, the headmaster agreed to write an public letter of apology for the abuse. He then departed for the airport, a plane back to NY. As he left, I turned to Prof. Lessig and said I had little confidence that the headmaster would honor his agreement. My instincts again were right.
prev next

A Scarlet Letter

The worth of a man is best measured by his treatment of his fellow man and not his office. - Jonathon Edwards

On May 12, 2009, Headmaster Smith wrote a letter to alumni that did not apologize to anyone. Instead, he took the cowards way out by parading my abuse for public ridicule. His letter further tried to shame all survivors for speaking out about abuse by his close friends and colleagues. And as in the meeting, the letter sickly suggested that the sexual abuse of students by his pedophile faculty was somehow consensual. Abuse that, prior to my confrontation, he anxiously kept quiet.

Then there were all the facts this letter omitted. This letter did not mention anything about the meeting with him on April 26. The fact that he eagerly sought this meeting in his words "to help". The fact that he flew out to meet. That he agreed to write a letter of apology. And other facts that we survivors know all too well and the headmaster will never acknowledge.

In doing so, Mr. Smith has made clear his and the school's position regarding sexual violence against children: stay quiet or else..... And that message was clearly received by other survivors, alumni and current students.
prev next

Echoes of Abuse

I've moved as far away from that place and those memories as possible to find and make better ones. But I somehow could not get away from alumni mail from the school. To someone else, the slick color photos would show a sprawling green campus with stately neo-goth buildings. To me they were unwanted and jarring reminders of where I lived for 4 long years in the shadow of sickly abuse by faculty. And unwelcome photos showed the places of my abuse, Cluett Hall, Dann Building, and All Saints Chapel where I sang as a small choir boy. Each time I got alumni mail, I had to call them up, ask them how they got my address, demand that I be taken off the list (again). More than once, I had to get counseling, take leave from work and even move.

After the last alumni mail, I reached out to a fellow survivor who recommended that I seek an injunction from futher contact from the school. When the school refused to reveal how they got my new address, I sent the headmaster a stern note advising him that the school has ignored my previous demands to be removed from the alumni mailing list.

In March, 2009 , that note resulted in the Headmaster calling me. He sounded very anxious and pleaded with me to take a meeting with him. When I asked why I should agree to the meeting, he said that he wanted to help. I had reason not to trust him, so declined. He called me the next day and offered to fly out to meet me. He sounded more anxious. I reluctantly agreed to this meeting against my better judgement. I didn't know yet that my initial instincts were spot on.
prev next

"Never been here...Never comin' back.

I am an alumnus and survivor of child sexual abuse by pedophile faculty at Trinity-Pawling School, a remote all boys boarding school in upstate NY. And I am one of many former students who seek justice. As a student, the faculty I turned to for help silenced me.

Now I speak out as a survivor knowing the shame of that abuse belongs soley to the pedophiles and those complicit in keeping victims silent. As a survivor of unspeakable abuse, I can tell you that the fallout from CSA lasts a lifetime. It impacts every relationship in your life. Worse still, it impacts your very ability to trust others enough to form lasting relationships.

It is my hope that in speaking out, I might encourage other male survivors to also speak out. If enough of us do this, then maybe one day kids will find support to speak out in real time, name their abusers, and escape the vortex of silence.

This blog details how I confronted my former abusers as an adult. And their unfortunate response. Next

New Year's Revision

I wanted to share with my readers the revised goals for this blog and feed for the New Year. Thought I'd start with a word about how this blog came to be.

I don't think any survivor of CSA wants to retell the story of their abuse--its too painful and the risk is often fresh abuse. As a child I was silenced. I've moved as far away from that place and those memories as possible to build a new life and new memories. But I somehow could not get away from mail from the school. To someone else, the slick color photos would show a sprawling green campus with stately neo-goth buildings. To me they were unwanted and jarring reminders of where I lived for 4 long years in the shadow of sickly abuse by faculty. And unwelcome photos showed the places of my abuse, Cluett Hall, Dann Building, and All Saints Chapel. Each time I got alumni mail, I had to call them up, ask them how they got my address, demand that I be taken off the list (again). More than once, I had to get counseling, take leave from work and even move.

So I started the blog after the last mailing, to try and put a final end to the mail. And to reach out to other survivors from the school to see if together we could confront the school to demand a public apology. That idea failed. And it failed because the leadership at the school will never acknowledge its own role in that abuse despite all those who have come forward. For that, the school will never willingly apologize. So we will continue to broadcast this failure as a warning to others.

My main goal for the new year is to continue to reach out to other survivors with one simple but clear message: sexual violence against anyone, especially children, is never the victims fault. The shame of abuse lies solely with the rapists and those who keep victims silent. And speaking out about abuse is the best way to fight back.

In the coming weeks, we will be putting up an online resource for male survivors of child sexual abuse. The site will focus on how survivors can empower themselves and get their abusers names on public record. More information to come.

Happy New Year

King Midas has the Ears of an ASS

I thought I'd post this quick note to tell my readers where I've been. You might have guessed that the school's lawyers have a problem with my talking publicly about the schools support of pedophile faculty. So, they contacted my lawyer—(I can't friggin' believe I just said that since I've never hired a lawyer before in my life). Anyway, they said they didn't like my posts, and then demanded that I remove them. No way. People need to know about this.

But to make it easier on my lawyer (btw, turns out lawyers charge by the hour), I took my posts offline temporarily until the school's lawyers could figure out exactly which posts they object to and their grounds for objecting to them. I waited a long time for their lawyers to put their thoughts into “words”. Then I took a header off the 95 on my bike and needed to rest up (that's another story).

Well its been over two months and the School's lawyers cannot explain exactly what it is about my posts that so objectionable. So We're back. And louder than before. We win.